How to Make Big Decisions

The simplest way to make big decisions is to decide for _________.

Making a choice in order to avoid, defer, escape [except danger, of course!] typically is not the right move.

So, if you’re considering a job change, is it because you really want the other job or because you dislike something about your current job?  The former is more likely to be worthwhile, whereas the latter is more likely to involve some degree of regret.

Similarly with relationships, if you are considering a choice based on want [i.e., I want to be with this person], you are more likely to feel contented with the decision in the long-term.  If you choose based on not-want [i.e., I do not want to be alone], you are more likely to be discontented in the long run.

This has long been my locus for decision-making, but I was reminded of it recently, watching Help Desk on OWN.  In an episode taped right here in Portland, Oregon, Gary Zukav is giving advice to someone who is deciding between accepting a dream job overseas and staying put to continue a relationship with a woman he’s been seeing for a year.  Ultimately, Gary suggests always choosing for love and not out of fear.  At the end of the episode, he leads those gathered in an exercise designed to help us always sort between feelings that are generated out of love vs. thMyPaintingose generated out of fear so that we might always select for love.

Here’s to loving yourself, your mate, your family, your life, your …

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